A Corn-Dog-with-a-Bucket O’ Fries Kinda Affair


“Yay, we’re going to the fair!”  Those infamous words are spoken by many kids, young and old, throughout the country year in and year out.

That exact quote was uttered by my nine-and six-year old last weekend when they found out we were heading to one of our county’s most endeared attractions.  I had to admit, I was excited as well.

After my hubby shelled out twenty-one bucks for parking and admission (yikes!), we had the pleasure of parking in a mud pit thanks to the endless rains our area had endured for weeks.  My son thought we were walking through horse manure instead of mud to get to the midway.  “Not quite,” I assured him, although I wasn’t too convinced myself.

While buying the ride tickets, I observed the crowd and wondered what drew people to these dusty family attractions.  For my kids, it was the endless rides.  No matter how rickety they are, my kids are oblivious to that fact and want to ride everything.  The faster, the better.  Thank goodness, after standing next to the height-requirement ruler, they were found to be too “short” to ride most of those godforsaken thrill traps.

Rides used to be my thing when I was younger, but with age, the food is what gets

me now.  Cotton candy and funnel cakes are my favorites.  They always seemed to be items not readily available other places than fairs, carnivals and circuses.  And even with the smell of farm animals wafting through the air, it has never stopped me or anyone else from chowing down on the high calorie novelties.  And let’s not talk about how some of the food vendors look You know what I mean.  That I-haven’t-bathed-or-used-an-indoor-toilet-in-more-than-week look.  I try to turn a blind-eye and hope they at least used hand sanitizer before preparing the food.

I’m sure other things that rope the masses in are the big-name concerts put on by the likes of REO SpeedWagen, Darius Rucker and Vince Gill.  The calf births and equine events are sure to please.   There are the homemaker demonstrations, landscaping contests and the grill-offs.  The lights and sounds of the midway games could keep eyes and ears dazzled.  Let’s not forget The Beer Garden that keeps some in high spirits.  There is definitely something for everyone.

Before we know it, the ride tickets have run low and I’m ecstatic because my feet are hurting and I’m ready to go.  But my husband had four tickets left and decided he needed to buy another sheet of twenty tickets to go with the four orphans.  I know, I know.  It didn’t make since to me either, but the kids sure were happy.

My arches were burning, even in my high-tech sneakers, as we trekked towards the bumper cars, passing The Giant Rat and Man Eating Alligator Exhibits.  I’m soooo glad my kids weren’t interested in that buffoonery.  After the bumper cars, we made it to the Climb and Slide where my tykes went through a series of obstacles before sliding down a tube to freedom.  Yay!  By this time, we only had two tickets left and I hoped to God my husband didn’t lose his mind again and decide to buy more tickets.  My poor feet were in pain!

Luckily he had had enough too and after almost three hours of fun and festivities under our belts, we headed towards our car, but not before grabbing foot-long corn dogs on a stick and a bucket of fries as our parting wares.  I took one last whiff of the air filled with animal feces and body odor, grumbled about all the money we spent, hopped in the car and headed home.

Can’t wait till next year to do it all again.  For my kids, of course.  Ok, maybe for the cotton candy…and the toothless grin of a carny or two.  LOL!

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Categories: The Funnies, ~La Familia~ | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “A Corn-Dog-with-a-Bucket O’ Fries Kinda Affair

  1. Your Hubby!

    Great story! Every paragraph took me back to that night like the mean guy in Ratatouille. 😉

  2. Man I love the fair! I only go for the food, although the indoor sewing exhibits call to the inner grandma in me. I’m going next week for the Fisk Fries, corn dogs, gyros, elephant ears and Italian sausages. Excuse me as I wipe the drool from my keyboard 🙂

  3. Reggie

    Man eating alligator?!? I hope they had fried alligator on a stick, that’s delicious!!!

    • I don’t know if they had alligator on a stick or not. LOL! I’ve never tried it but I’d be willing to taste it. I’ve had rabbit, deer, goat and frog legs before so I think I’d be up to trying it. Although the rabbit and deer didn’t appeal to me, I do love goat and the frog legs taste a lot like chicken.

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