Heads Will Roll!


Don’t you just love when you’re sitting in your car for an eternity, waiting for the damn cars in front of you to move?  I’m not talking about your average traffic jam.  I live in the DC Metro area and traffic is just a way of life here.  I’m talking about when your forty-minute average commute starts creeping into the fifty-five-minute mark. That’s when you know something just isn’t right.

If you’re like me, the first thing that comes to mind is there has been an accident.  Then ten minutes later after your car is able to creep up a few feet, you’re definitely thinking, “There better be a good explanation for this ish!”

Then it hits you that you have to pick your kids up from daycare by 6:30 pm or they will start charging you by the minute for every minute you’re late. Your plans of dropping in your favorite shoe store to browse before picking up your little ones is a thing of the past. There is no way you would be able to do that now.

That accident better be HUGE! There better be dead bodies hanging out of cars and severed heads rolling down the highway. There better be car explosions and twisted metal everywhere. If there isn’t, there’s gonna be hell to pay! I have to have a REAL GOOD excuse for being late for the daycare. Hell, I’d even whip out my camera phone and snap a few pics for evidence if I needed to…just to avoid a late fee!

Finally, you reach the scene of the “accident” and you find out one of the following:

  1. It’s only a damn fender bender…no damn mangled bodies…no damn severed heads! Just two or three cars off to the shoulder with their drivers exchanging insurance info. The traffic is backed up for miles for this? OMG!
  2. A traffic stop.  Only a traffic stop.  Somebody’s getting a ticket and everybody has to slow down to thirty-five miles-per-hour to see it. Another OMG!
  3. Somebody’s car is disabled in the shoulder.  Their hazards are flashing…AAA is giving them a tow.  WTH!
  4. There’s a deer carcass scattered across all traffic lanes. Big WHOOP! Dead animal parts do not constitute a sideshow!
  5. This is the best one of all. There are two police cars on the side of the road with the lights flashing while the cops are standing around talking about who-knows-what. No prisoners! No drug busts! No guns drawn! Just them yabbering about the next donut run.

Can we say disappointed?! I know you know what I’m saying.

Then you pull up to the daycare at 6:37 pm, go inside, whip out your phone and hope that those pics of the dead deer parts look something like dead human parts!

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Categories: The Funnies, Traffic Hee-Haw, ~Random Madness~ | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “Heads Will Roll!

  1. The ones that make me crazy are the ones where traffic randomly backs up for 45 minutes for no reason at all

    No accident.

    No road work.

    Just folks driving like there is…

    Catherine

  2. I so agree! That IS a good one too!

  3. I spent 8 yrs living on Long Island (NY) and a couple times a month I would travel back to NJ to visit friends and family. I had to take to leaving in the middle of the night so I wouldn’t be stuck in traffic for 4 hours. It’s simply ridiculous and it often has to do with that one annoying guy who is constantly switching lanes to get one car ahead. He slows down the traffic in all other lanes as he cuts people off.
    I wrote a short short about road rage and how I’d love to take a bat to that guy’s car 😛

  4. where’s that goddamn road?

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